From 1991 to 2021

An account on being gay from the 90's to the present with a sex and drug addiction

The Cycle of addiction

Here is the cycle of addiction, whether it’s shopping, drugs, sex, alcohol etc. I am using myself as ‘Exhibit ’69’!

Acting Out: The actual behaviour that you are addicted to, so for me, porn, masturbation, or the actual sexual act.

‘Relief’: What you feel after the act.

Guilt: For me this always after the taking of many drugs I took, after a long night of sex, or how I feel if I’m on the train home – or at worst – when I went missing.

Shame: The feeling I felt when I got back home

Depression: This first manifested itself after my London residence.

Anxiety: This manifested as anger/tiredness also lashing out at friends etc.

Triggers: Me getting paid, going online looking for the next hit

‘Sex trance’: For me, looking online for porn, on dating apps, finding out what club/s are open which brings you back to ‘Acting Out’